Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
