im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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