i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
