you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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