Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
