This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
