my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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