Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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