i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
