Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
