I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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