that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
