he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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