At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
