there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
