i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
