Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
