Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
