ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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