You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
