the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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