why didn't you poke me back
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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