it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
