he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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