Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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