Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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