My hair reeks of homosexuality.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
