Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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