I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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