glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
