I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
