LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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