I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
