New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
