bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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