i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
