I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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