This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
