Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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