Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
