you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
