I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
