They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
