Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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