My sheets look like a crime scene.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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