I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
