I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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