I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
