I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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