"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
