I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
